Apologies to my readers, I have not written a post since Monday, February 13th because I was ill. But, thank goodness, I am now better and back to sharing exciting things with you!
Now let me back up to January of this year. I began a journey to change the hard-wiring of my brain so that I could experience long lasting happiness, love, and resilience as stated in the course title. This may sound like snake oil but after much research and practicing mindfulness for over one year, I knew there was something to what I had found.
I think just about everyone has read at least one self-help book. For me, I have read multiple books searching for the cure, or reason I felt the way I did. I tried to apply the ideas and concepts to my everyday life but found changing not an easy process and less than beneficial. Additionally, of note – changing is not as easy as some authors believe. Research now shows it take 66 days to firmly create a new habit not the 21 days previously thought.
Now, I don’t know about you, but for me, change is more than just adding or removing a behavior for a set number of days. I need more than that and am hoping this rewiring my brain platform meets my needs.
So, in January, I was introduced to self-compassion. Man. That was a hard lesson for me as I have provided myself very little self-compassion. I have shown compassion in various roles as a wife, mother, and grandmother. As a nurse, for my patients. As a co-worker, for those who work closely with me. However, not a lot for me personally. I came to understand that self-compassion is not being selfish, self-centered, showing self-pity, or other forms of degrading self-terms. It means that I am, in addition to everyone else who walks this earth, flawed. And that is ok.
I now know that I am not going to be deemed complacent, narcissistic, weak or selfish by showing myself compassion. I now understand that being good to myself makes me better able to be good to others. For example, it has been shown that people have better personal relationships when they are able to provide self-compassion and personal support for some of their needs and then have more resources for emotional support of others.
It all makes sense and I have to say after the first pillar of the course I feel better knowing it is ok to love myself first. I will keep you posted on my next experience with acceptance and enjoying life.
If you are interested and want more information you can go to The Foundations of Well-Being with Rick Hanson, Ph.D.